rambles #03
I’ve been getting a bit more into philosophy since I liked one philosophy Instagram video and now I’m getting so many videos. Thankfully it’s not the cringey videos it’s actual smart people talking about philosophical ideas, but it’s pretty interesting to see how all people’s have different ideas of life. I personally see myself as more of a person who follows the absurdist philosophical lens of life. Rambles aren’t meant to make sense but even this ramble is not making sense to me.
I feel sometimes like such a failure even though I am at basically 1% of my life, like I still have so much left to do I haven’t married yet I haven’t left germany (I could go on for hours about why I’m slowly becoming dissapointed in my great nation) and yet no I for some reason feel as if all this is pointless and it‘s the end and ohhhhhh how terrible life is. Thankfully though even with these beliefs I don’t succumb to the scum thought of nihilism. I feel as if I always fail and I know the reason why, for it‘s my fault atleast 99.9% but yet still I don’t admit that I have this pest in my brain preventing me from accepting that fact.
I’ve been thinking about Monde canin again now that finale is coming out (or is already out when I post this) and I just am still stuck thinking about the ending, I might like be one foot into the grave and would still be thinking "was that ending a good idea" Because while I still maintain that I believe it would have been a good ending others still don’t believe it was a good idea, now I’m no genius or hell even a normal intelligence man but I don’t know something inside the mind of me cannot let go of the idea. But I can’t do the ending anymore people expect it so I would have to wait for a new project to do it and that will be years from now so I won’t know if I still agree with the me stuck in this present. But who knows, all I know is that it’s MY IDEA NO SCUM IS ALLOWED TO TAKE IT. ITS MY IDEA SO YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STEAL IT.
This is related to this previously written statement but Yknow I don’t like it how the internet is so quick to diagnose people and stuff, some have called me depressed or schizophrenic. But I’m none of those, schizophrenic I am not Anytime I say something that sounds schizophrenic it’s usually after 8 PM and that’s why I sleep at 8 PM and plus I never mean what I say truly. Like if you were to ask me if I think nuclear bombs are a myth or if there are structures on the moon I would say no because I don’t really believe in that. I am clinically sane so to speak so there is nothing to worry about. Oh and depression people really thought I was depressed because of monde Canin No I wasn’t no I am not because depression is a medical dieases only doctors are allowed to say if someone has depression or not. Self diagnoses are always wrong always, Plus my therapist would have said that by now but he hasn’t because he knows I’m not depressed the internet is such an idiotic place where people think they know everything.
Worrying, that’s the next topic. I never like when people worry about me well except for my partner he’s allowed to do that. I don’t think that’s healthy for them to do because I’m just a co worker in my view to them. I don’t think I’m a friend of anyone sure I have friends but well I don’t know how to explain it without it being misconstrued as me either being one of those chuds who is like "everyone is a pawn to me baka" or "I’m a cry baby wahhh" like basically I feel as if I am not too entertaining or kind individual to be seen as a friend I’m just a guy who is basically as uninteresting as they come so I don’t believe I’m an individual that could be seen as someone interesting to be around as a friend meanwhile I’m friends with artists and some of the most creative minds around me and truly all my friends are the most talented individuals you could meet but of course they are imperfect because everyone is imperfect so I don’t care you know this is something the bourgeois likes to pretend isn’t fact but perfection is this lying viper in the world. I like all of my friends they are great individuals meanwhile I am more of an eh individual, now I can already in my self questioning of myself hear people think that this means I hate me self or something like that but obviously as I said in the statement above never diagnose someone with something when you are only a random guy, I like who I am I’m growing a mustache I’m working I’m not hated… Maybe that last part is wrong I think I am despised I can write that as my next topic
I’m trying to stop hating people, because I have decided hate is too strong of a word now I still use it time from time because my brain hasn’t been rewired yet but I have now thought up a three tiered approach on how to say I do not like someone Dislike: If I dislike someone then it’s similar to what most mean by hate which is I do not like this person whether it be how they act or how they behave I don’t like them as a person sure I can stand in a room with them and slightly interact with them but I’m colder with how to act with them because I don’t really like them Despise: If I despise someone what I mean is that I do not like the fact I share the same air with someone, I don’t like this person as a human being. An example of this is the scum known as flula borg all I’ve seen the cunt do is be like "LOOK I HAVE AN ACCENT" and nothing else and the celebrity americans laugh it up because they are too stupid to realize that he is a fraud and is doing only harm to Germany’s image (if it hasn’t been destroyed enough) Despise means I don’t like that I’m on the same planet as this person Hate: When I say I hate someone I mean I want them dead there’s no other choice like this person is so bad that there’s nothing else to be done like Atleast when I dislike someone I talk about why I don’t like them, with someone I depise it might be harder but it is still possible but with hate. I don’t want this individual on this spiritual plane I don’t want this person to exist.
I can’t think of anything else right now so I guess this is the end of today’s ramble. Live well and do stuff