rambles #04
Oh no no oh yeah
I continue to question my own self I question if I am as important as I see myself as if I am as smart I think of myself as. I believe I lie to myself a lot and will never tell the truth to myself ever, I will continue questioning myself for years and years until it’s all over.
Rambles rambles rambles right. I always write these rambles Knowning I wanna write about one topic but I know if I were to speak about it. It would completely flip peoples perspective of me and it would just cause people once more to like in the Monde Canin situation to not interact with me in a way I like. It’s an unspoken thing that almost nobody knows about. And I would like to keep it that way, because if I don’t well fucking who knows I might be seen as… I can’t even say what people would think about me because that would tell you what topic im hiding.
Every since finale releasing I worry if it’s good or not and that makes me realize why I stopped making games. I hate the fact I don’t immidetally get an answer if I suck or not I mean if the game sucks or not and it kind of annoys me because I want to improve yet nobody tells me what to improve so I just sit there like a baby who hasn’t fired any neurons yet waiting for something to happen. This is a pretty torturous thing for me because I understand people are busy maybe it’s just my ego acting as if I have to be the center of attention, I want to know what people think I need to know what people think that’s the only logical thing for me I want to know if I did good or bad. I don’t know why I need this information so heavily though.
New new new new topic. I wonder a bit about the world at this point, I don’t know if something is in the wind but I feel like something might happen. Not in America, America is still going to be a chud country for as long as the two party system exists but I don’t know something feels odd in the wind, I can’t tell if it’s me just for some reason being paranoid but I honestly feel something is different. I hope aliens visit us that would be cool if that’s what’s going to happen but eh maybe it’s just me trying to think of something to distract me from realizing I wasted another year of my life
I haven’t made a video in the past couple of months because I was so busy with first Monde canin and then finale but I might release a video this month. December is already getting a video it’s literally finished already but for November I’m not sure yet. But I can say that this year my content drive was the highest it has ever been I mean there were really more videos than I expected. Were they good videos? No not really but hey atleast I made them without ai
Monde canin is the next topic because I realize how different it was from FINALE because monde had an uglier office and it also was only going to have 4 cameras Wide screen and shit it would have just been a disappointment. I think I can divulge much of the original story of the game but basically it was Going to just be fnad 1 with after night minigames where Virgil (reference to Dante’s inferno) or something else would basically not like the fact you were playing the game and would try to prevent you from playing the game. And he would try to get you to play the original diggidys games because he didn’t like the fact the game was being remade. This plot point comes from the fact that my friend jaywalked when Otis and others were making Redug said that the reason the project was not getting worked on was because. I might need to reframe this hold on basically redug was dead for months and I was wondering how the game was going and basically what they all agreed with was that the reason why diggidys worked was because it was bad and if the game was remade and good it would be like not really what’s it called… A good tribute to diggidys because it would be removing the biggest part of why people know diggidys it’s a bad game. Or something like that maybe I extremely misinterpreted what they said. But this is what Monde Canin was going to be like it was going to be Virgil or who now in game is called Viryl trying to stop you from playing, with the game ending with a boss battle between you and curly in the office where the window was supposed to lower its opacity desktop backgrounds were meant to change and shit but I really lost steam for it. It was going to be serious and at the same time a bit funny. But eh it fizzled out. The ending though I must explain further because the suicide ending was actually maybe not going to be the actual ending in game I was kind of in between it and a different ending, personally I enjoyed the suicide ending more because it was funnier. Not that suicide is funny it’s only funny if i do it but the original ending was going to be different. It was going to be similar to the ending of the beginners guide. Where you walk through 3d environments and I was going to ramble just like now, I would have talked about my feelings (yucky) okay wait I gotta explain talking about your feelings isn’t bad it’s only bad when I do it. But it was maybe going to be more like calmer. You would walk on a beach just experience the beauty of the world and it would be one of these rambles but just in audio form. I can’t really remember what would happen next I believe it would have sent you back to the main menu but it was not going to be as "bad" as the suicide ending. I think the major flaw with monde was that I announced it. If I had just been quiet about it like finale maybe it would have been seen better than it is nowadays. I think monde and Finale both have their positives and negatives but I think it was better that I made finale. Atleast others believe that I still am not quite sure. I think the basic jist of he situation is that letting art consume you is okay it’s a good thing normally but don’t let it take hold of your mind. Monde Canin took over my mind because I was afraid if it was good or not or if I was dumb for making it. Finale didn’t because I didn’t care I just wanted people to be happy.
This is maybe the most rambles posted since number 3 and 4 are only a day apart so wow I really need to learn when to shut up but hey I’ll learn that in rambles number 258 but for now I’ll think some more and I don’t know, work on finale bugs if someone actually reports one